I Won't Tell Them Your Name
by Sailorprinzess
Summary: Usagi, now 25, is lost. Everyone around her has a career or has an idea of who they want to be. She is stuck between a teenager and an adult. Even Mamoru seems to be moving on without her. One day she meets Seiya, her celebrity crush, who is also going through a similar idenity crisis. Will she ever find out who she wants to be? And will she be able suppress her feelings for Seiya?
1. In Place

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Sailor Moon.

**In place**

"I can't believe you still have that poster on your wall. You're how old?"

Time moves too quickly for life to keep up. I think that is why even though I am twenty-five, about to age another year, I still feel like I am eighteen. It's kind of weird, aging. I'm sure when I get older, there will be drastic changes my appearance, but I don't know if I'd feel as I should…or at least how people tell me how I should. Honestly, I am unsure when the evolution into an adult occurs. Does it come with a certain age or when you feel that entitlement to responsibility?

…however I do know that when it eventually happens (because it will, although it may take ten years), I don't know if that would even stop me from what I am doing now…which is a whole lot of nothing.

Much to everyone's surprise, I graduated college about two years ago. In terms of academics, they weren't the easiest years…but really, no matter the level of education, it wasn't easy at all for me. Although in college, algebra turned into calculus and English grammar went from sentences like "I have a pen" to "If Usagi had spent more time studying, she would have passed the exam." Truth be told, I don't remember anything I learned, but thankfully I don't have to solve for 'x' before I leave my house, and if I am met with an English-speaking person, I will default to "Sorry, I don't speak English," and keep on walking.

Despite multiple attempts, I have been unable to secure a full time job; however I did manage to be hired for three part-time jobs, and had the opportunity to decline a fourth offer. Go figure.

While my friends have already transitioned into their careers, I am stuck in place. I am in-between being a teenager and an adult, teetering to neither side. I suppose that is why I still garner fangirl-like love for Three Lights. I think it is more of holding onto a nostalgia feeling thank anything else. Their music is poppy, and every girl in Japan thought each song was meant for them, so really, there isn't much that is unique about them. Still, when I hear their music or look at the poster I have of them, I think back to when I was sixteen. At their concerts, I would scream out the lyrics along with them, and buy every magazine that mentioned them.

Everything was so much better then. My friends and I were closer, and Mamoru…well, he was actually here. I didn't have a care in the world. I didn't have to worry about who I wanted to be, what kind of job I wanted, or even how I was going to afford to eat. It was all perfect, or as perfect life can get.

"Whatever, Minako. You don't have a right to pick on me when I know you have one of their songs as your ringtone."

Her cheeks turned red. "That's different."

I laughed. "I'm still not taking it down. That's my favorite picture of them."

She shook her head, and sat down at the end of my bed. "So, has he called you lately?"

"Mamoru?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

I sat up, straightening my shirt. "He called me last week. We only talked for about two minutes, though. He just wanted to let me know that he was leaving Osaka for Hokkaido," I said.

"When is he coming back to Tokyo?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him for two months."

"I'm sorry, Usagi."

Like I said, it all used to be easier. I am not certain of the exact moment life did a 180 degree turn, but I am still suffering from the aftershocks.

Our story is pretty cliché, and I am sure it has been used as a plot for a couple manga series, but it's still important to delve into it. Mamoru and I came together as if destiny had already mixed our pheromones together before we met. Then, at the moment our eyes locked on each other, destiny poured the mixture over us, creating a mist only we resided in; the rest of the world lay in its outskirts.

Like most couples, we knew each other in high school, but I took his constant picking on me as him being a jerk. He'd make fun of my hair, and then laugh if I walked into obstacles in the hallways. I didn't think he was nice at all, and definitely didn't understand why other girls would swoon over him.

While I'd be fuming over his rude remarks, I was totally oblivious to the flirtatious undertones. I guess I missed the memo that when a guy teases you, he actually wants you. Doesn't make sense, but what does?

"Mamoru has always been like that, though, hasn't he? Always thinking of the future, and not really paying attention to the present," she said. "He doesn't notice that you are slipping away."

"I'm not really going anywhere, Minako. I am stuck here, barely making enough to eat anything other than ramen noodles. Why would he worry about the present? He doesn't have a reason to think that I might move on to something different or even someone else."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's more that with him being away and not regularly keeping in touch with you, is going to make your heart drift away," she said. "Whether you think it or not, it will happen. It's just all depending on how much you can hold off."

"…I don't know."

"Geez, Usagi. You always have your face in manga. You should alreayd know that's how stories like yours go."

We've been dating for seven years. It is pretty crazy to think it has been that long, because honestly, it doesn't feel like it. Ever since the day he gave up his seat for me on the subway, I've been looking up to him, not counting the seconds passing by us. Instead, I embraced each day I got to see him, even if it were just for a mere hour. I was happy…

…happy that we were together, happy I had someone to fill the gaps when my friends were in school and I was still waiting until a college accepted me, and happy that he was mine…mine forever. Or at least that is what I was planning.

"Well, I am going to go. I have an audition for a candy commercial. I really need to get it," she said, and stood up. "You know, I would never judge you about anything. Rei or Ami might, but I know how it is not to have it easy. Plus, my moral compass isn't so reliable."

I laughed.

"Makoto, too. She gets it," she said, and walked to the door. "But if you ever want to just forget about everything and loosen up, we'll take you out!"

I smiled. "I might be afraid of what that involves," I said. "But thanks, Minako. Maybe I'll take you up on that."

Once she left, I started to get ready for part-time job number one.

As I was explaining, Mamoru and I were very close. Despite not hitting it off in high school, it took the simple gesture of him giving me his seat on a crowded subway to have a change of heart.

After that faithful day, we spent a lot of time together. Even after he was in college, and I was still…waiting, he made sure to text me, and sometimes come to my work to surprise me for lunch. When I was finally accepted into college, I'd sneak out between classes to his campus. We took for granted how great we had it, but it's hard to realize you have something so good until it goes away.

Completing my uniform, by clipping on my name tag, I headed across the street to the convenience store, where I work the overnight shift as a cashier.

Around midnight, the store pretty much clears out, and the time between each customer entering lengthens. I am usually working the shift by myself, so it is nice when there is no one else. It's quiet and empty, which helps me to forget everything. I can just drown to the humming of the refrigerators and music playing from the speakers.

For the first time in a while, a familiar song began to play, instantly triggering me to sing along. Then, without hesitation, my body moved to the music. I was bewitched, taken to a whole other place in my head. It was like I was listening to it live in concert. I saw myself, my friends, and my favorite band of three guys on stage. We were wrapped up in the moment, totally withdrawn from the whole crowd. It was us, and them playing music. Nothing else in the world mattered.

"Glad to see there is someone still enjoying this song," a voice said.

I immediately came out of my trance, and jumped backward against the wall.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

There have only been two times (that I can now recall) in my life where I hoped for my heart to stop beating and my body to fall limp to the ground. Once was when I fell face-first on the subway in front of a train car filled with salary men and students, and my skirt came up , exposing my childish underwear. The other time is when I was so excited to meet Mamrou's parents that I forgot to take my shoes off when entering their house, and trampled mud all over their carpet.

And then there is this time, when I actually might just end life myself. Not only was I belting out the chorus, dancing, and not paying attention to who enters the store, but I did it all in front of my celebrity crush, Kou Seiya, who just so happens to be the lead singer of the Three Lights.

This better be a dream.


	2. At Midnight

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.**

**At Midnight**

"Hey, cashier girl. Are you ok?"

I couldn't even blink, standing still against the wall.

"You don't even look like you're breathing."

I wished for the wall to become a liquid layer so that it could engulf me and take me away. I just want to disappear, or at least have the ability to run away.

He placed a bottle of water and a bag of snacks on the counter. "Could you please take care of my order? I'm sort of late, and I need to catch a train."

_Ok, Usagi, get a hold of yourself. Pretend it never happened. If you do, he'll act like he didn't see anything._

_Right?_

I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs, and then letting it out slowly. I straightened my shirt as I stepped closer to the register. "Sure thing," I said. "Is this everything?"

He nodded. "For now."

Thankfully I don't have a mirror in sight, because I do not want to see how red my cheeks are or the stars pulsating in my eyes. I don't need any more embarrassment.

I looked up while scanning his items, and I was startled to see him staring back at me.

"Tsukino-san?" he said.

I nodded.

He smiled. "It's been a while since I've met a fan," he said, reaching for something in his back pocket.

I gulped. Of all the moments to be speechless, my body picked this one. I should be telling him how much Three Lights means to me, or at least be asking for his autograph.

…but I couldn't.

"How much do I owe you," he asked, now with a wallet in his hand.

"800 yen."

He placed the money in the dish beside the register, and grabbed the plastic bag that I didn't realize I put on the counter.

"Thanks for rocking out, Tsukino-san," he said with a wink. He left before I got to tell him that it was my favorite song, or even "You're welcome."

It took a minute or so for my mind to realize what had just happened. I, Tsukino Usagi, just exchanged air and words with, who I believe to be the hottest guy in the world, Kou Seiya.

Me, Tsukino Usagi.

And…I don't really talk to random people; however, today, I talked to Kou Seiya.

I'll admit that I always wondered what I'd say if I had met him face to face. Would I go into fangirl mode or would I be calm? What words would I say? Would he smile at me…would he look into my eyes?

Unfortunately, it ended up not being as great as I thought. He witnessed me embarrass myself, and I could barely utter more than a few words to him. I am positive I even let some drool come out the side of my mouth.

It was a disaster, but I still feel excited about it. I needed to tell someone, so I quickly reached for my phone and began to text Minako.

"_Usagi. It's midnight. Are you sure you didn't dream that?" she texted back._

"_I didn't dream anything! Seiya came into the store! He even said my name."_

"_Why would he come into your convenience store so late without a disguise?"_

"_Well, it's late at night, maybe he didn't think he needed to wear a disguise? …Look, I don't know Minako, but he definitely came in here!"_

"_Good night, Usagi. Tell me about it tomorrow."_

I swear on my cat's life that he came in this store. It was him. I just know it. I do have my ditsy moments, but I know that ten minutes ago, I had my clearest moment ever, even if it did follow the embarrassment of being caught singing and dancing behind the register.

* * *

"Usako."

Even though he is far away, my heart still melts at him calling me that. It's funny that a name could make me turn from a solid into a liquid oozing through his fingers.

"When do I get to see you, Mamo-chan?"

I could hear his breath get sucked back into his mouth. "I am not sure. I think I will have a week off next month. So maybe I can back it back to Tokyo for a few days?"

I kind of figured that is what he would say. I knew he couldn't see me whenever I wanted. He has work obligations. After all, when he graduated college, he secured an amazing position at a well-known electronics company. The pay is more than I could probably count to, and he has an opportunity to get a promotion. The only downside is that he has to travel. He is usually gone for months at a time. It's hard to get used to, but I manage. The trick is to not have much downtime. I balance working three jobs, and I sometimes get to hang out with my friends.

No matter how many minutes, hours, days I try to occupy, it still doesn't hurt any less. That is the main problem.

"How is everything else going? Still looking for jobs?" he asked.

"I'm trying."

He wasn't asking about part time jobs, he meant career-like jobs. To be truthful, I haven't looked for a job in about a month. I've been too busy to have any time to sit in front of the computer to search the classifieds. I don't have any motivation. I've applied to countless jobs, and never received a single call, either to reject me or ask for me to come into an interview. It is starting to make me feel discouraged. Do I really have nothing to offer?

"Waiting for a few call backs," I said.

"You'll be fine, Usako. You will find something soon," he said.

I sort of get irritated when he asks about jobs, since it is at least every phone call. I know that he is worried about me, but when I can't give him a positive answer, I feel like I let him down. I then feel even more segregated from everyone else.

"Well, I have to get back to work," he said. "I will call you another time, Usako."

"Ok, Mamo-chan. Good Bye," I said. "I lo—" The phone went silent.

Bad connection?

Yeah, it must be a bad connection. Why else would he hang up without saying 'I love you'?


	3. Black Out

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.**

**Black out**

Minako decided that she didn't want to wait for me to ask her to take me out. Therefore, she enlisted the help of Makoto to drag me out of my apartment on Friday night.

"Watch my hair, you are pulling on it," I said as Minako was taking out the buns my hair is usually styled in.

She looked at the mirror and stuck out her tongue a little.

"Where are we going, anyway?" I asked.

"To a new dance club," Makoto said, and began to search my closet. "I'm going to borrow a pair of shoes, Usagi. I broke a heel on the way here."

"I don't think we are the same size," I said, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"I'll make my feet fit," she said, and then went back to my closet.

"So, Usagi, any more sightings of Seiya?" Minako asked, and let out a tiny laugh.

"Seiya?" Makoto repeated, her voice was sort of muffled.

Minako turned to her. "Yeah, she claims Seiya from Three Lights came into the convenience store where she works. He bought snacks and a drink," she said, and then focused back on my hair. "I think Rei hit her too many times on the head while we were growing up."

I glared at her. "He really did come into the store. I don't care what you say or if you two make fun of me." I crossed my arms. "I am sure I can get the surveillance tape to prove it."

"Usagi, maybe you shouldn't work the night shift. You're starting to daydream at night."

"I don't know, Minako. Maybe he really did go into the store? There are rumors about him living in one of the apartment complexes in the area," Makoto said. "The Lights aren't really famous now, but there are still people who follow them and post stories about them on web forums. So, it is possible that she seen him."

"See, Minako, I told you."

She lightly tugged on my hair. "It still doesn't mean that you've seen him, though. But…I guess I will believe you for now. Next time he comes into the store, let me know. He would be more interested in someone who doesn't have a boyfriend anyway."

"Since when did you like Seiya? I thought you held a torch for Yaten?" Makoto asked.

"I am keeping my options open. When it comes to good-looking guys, I'm not going to be picky. I'd gladly take any one of them."

I rolled my eyes. "Now you sound like Rei."

"Speaking of Rei, she didn't want to come out with us, Minako?" Makoto asked.

"I asked her and Ami if they wanted to, but I guess both of them have work in the morning."

It was about nine when we finally left my apartment. Both Minako and Makoto were excited, but going out was nothing new to them. They would always be telling me about their wild nights the morning after. I'd sit and listen enthusiastically, but I'd hold the smallest bit of jealousy. I envied their free spirits. I'd wonder why I couldn't be like that.

Was it because I work too much? Did I worry what Mamoru would think?

I don't know, but here I am now, nervously trying to feel like I belong with them and not just be "along for the ride." It doesn't help that I feel uncomfortable in the tight clothes they picked out for me. It's been a while since I let my legs be bare and for my chest not to be completely covered by a t-shirt or hoodie. I feel more out of place than anything.

We headed to the station, where we took the train to Shibuya. Supposedly the club we are going to is new, and is always packed. It's tucked away in one of the alleys off the main street. It seemed to be a place that only locals would know, because if you didn't know it was there, you'd walk right on by.

When we reached the club, the line was already about thirty people deep. We secured our spots behind a group of people that were paying more attention to their phones than each other.

While we were waiting, we were able to hear the music and energy pumping inside. I felt every single nerve in my body tingle. It's been a while since I felt this nervous. "This better be fun. I called off work for this," I said.

"Oh, Usagi, when did you change?" Makoto asked.

"What do you mean? I didn't change."

She tilted her head to the side. "You seem to have lost something…like the bright light inside of you went black."

"The light inside of me?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you used to be so happy-go-lucky, always wanting to have fun. What happened to the old you?"

Was she right? Am I missing something? Did the happy part of me really vanish?

"I don't mean just now, either. You seem to have been this way for a while."

"I don't know," I said.

"Come on, guys! Let's forget that, and just have a good time!" Minako said. "We don't have to think about anything: no school loans, no bills, no guys. It will be just like we are in college again."

Makoto laughed. "No guys? How could that possibly happen, when that is all you think about?"

I laughed, as the steam raised from Minako's head. This is just one thing I was missing, laughing easily with my friends.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, we finally got inside. We were met with even louder music, bodies moving against each other, and the smell of alcohol blending with the air. Within moments, I was instantly taken back to being in college. Those same days, where Minako was right, we didn't have to care about anything. It was just us, the music, and the dance floor. Maybe some guys too.

Equipped with drinks, we stepped onto the dance floor.

* * *

It was about the third time…or maybe the sixth time that I went to the bathroom. Only this time, when I opened the door, I realized it wasn't the women's bathroom. Instead, it was a dark room, lit with black lights handing low from the ceiling. There were a few couches lining the walls, and in the back there was a tiny bar, with alcohol bottles glowing different colors.

The heavy door quickly closed behind me, and I was scooted inside. It became quiet, as I couldn't hear the music playing in the club anymore, nor did I notice the people trampling down the hallway outside.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" a male voice asked.

I jumped. Two figures walked towards me, almost from out of nowhere. Were they in here the whole time?

"This is a private party," he said, and lowered his voice, "where did our bodyguard go?"

"Probably went to the bathroom. This isn't the first time he disappeared on us," the other guy replied with a laugh.

"I'm sorry…" I said in a small voice. I could feel beads of sweat slowly roll down my back.

Once they got closer, I was able to see their faces. My heart sort of then plummeted onto my stomach.

"Yaten…Taiki…"

The two of them laughed. "So there are still people who know who we are?" Yaten said, and nudged Taiki.

When I was sixteen, my love for Three Lights came full circle after seeing them perform on TV. There was just something about the three of them that caused my friends and me to become full-fledged stalkers. As ridiculous as that sounds now, I swear that we weren't crazy. We were the harmless kind...honest!

Anyway, we'd wait outside CD stores when they were doing signings, radio studios, and even the back door at concert venues, where we were promptly escorted away. Although we tried countless times, we were never able to see them face to face. Even at concerts, we'd be in the back, practically the last row, and they'd appear as tiny ants running around the stage. So, for me to be thisclose to all three of them in the span of one week, it must mean that I am the luckiest fangirl alive.

Pretty sure that if I were to die right now, it would be with a smile on my face and my heart would continue to beat for at least five days after I entered the eternal sleep.

It took all of me to suppress the fangirl joy bubbling inside my body. I guarantee that it's probably the hardest thing I ever had to do, even harder than those calculus equations.

"I'll leave now," I said, holding back a smile.

I turned to walk to the door.

"Hey, wait," Yaten said.

My legs locked, and I stopped. Did he really just ask me to wait? Or…did I just imagine that?

"If you want, you could stay. We're having a party in here, and we need more girls to balance the ratio of guys."

I looked back at them. A party? Are they really inviting me to party with them? Yaten and Taiki?

_Wake up, Usagi. You drank too much to be dealing with reality right now._

Who cares? If this is a dream or a drunken hallucination, please don't take me away.

"Is that a yes?" Taiki asked.

What do I have to lose?

"Um…sure," I said. "But can I bring two of my friends?"

They looked at each other and then back at me. "Are they girls?"

I nodded.

I hurried out of the room as if it were a fire drill. Minako and Makoto were sitting at the bar, where I had left them. They were both drinking bright blue-colored drinks.

"What is your problem, Usagi?" Minako said. "Are you all right?"

"I think she had too much to drink," Makoto said.

I was tugging on each other their arms, pulling them across the dance floor. "Let's go! I have to show you something."

"This better be good, because we were talking to those two guys at the bar before you came over like a lunatic," Minako said. "They seemed interested in us."

"They'll be gone by the time we go back," Makoto said with a sigh. "They were good looking, too…"

I laughed. "This is a hundred times better! Trust me!"

When we got to the door, their bodyguard was blocking it. He was short, but muscular. Definitely not someone you'd want to meet in a dark alley unless you had a death wish.

He lifted his hand up when I attempted to open the door. "Wait a minute, girls. This is a private party."

"Usagi, what are you doing?" Minako said, and touched my shoulder. "Let's go back to—"

"I was invited by Yaten and Taiki. They said I could come inside." I tried to be as confident-sounding as I possibly could.

"What?" Minako said. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, Usagi. What is this?" Makoto asked.

"Wait right here," he said, and then went into the room, closing the door swiftly behind him.

Makoto spun me around. "What's going on?"

"I sort of bumped into Taiki and Yaten of Three Lights. They invited us to their party."

"Are you sick?" she asked, putting her hand on my forehead.

Minako rolled her eyed. "Now it's Yaten and Taiki? Not Seiya this time?"

"I'm telling the truth, Minako."

Makoto sighed. "Usagi, we know you are having a hard time with Mamoru, but—"

"This has nothing to do with Mamoru. I am telling you that I actually met them. Why don't you believe me?"

"We're sorry, Usagi. We just worry about you. You've been different lately," Makoto said. "We don't want to see you sad all of the time."

Minako placed her arm around my shoulder and stood at my side. "Usagi-chan," she said, and smiled as she lightly bumped her head against mine.

After a few minutes, the door opened, only this time the bodyguard came with Yaten.

"Holy shi—" Makoto said, her voice trailing off.

I looked back at my two friends, whose mouths were gaping wide. "Now do you believe me?"


	4. With Them

**With them**

Not going to lie, walking into the VIP room made me feel important. I was brought up by an ordinary family: dad went to work, mom stayed at home, younger brother got on my nerves (even his childish friends annoyed me), and a cat who sort of waltzed her way into our home and has been with us ever since. So, it is safe to assume that I've never really experienced a luxurious private party such as this.

The room changed dramatically in the ten minutes I was gone. It was filled with people swarming the bar, dancing on the mini floor, and lounging on the couches, while music was playing and lights flashing.

I looked back at my friends. Their eyes were still wide. Relief poured al over me. I admit that it does seem implausible for me to meet three people we idolized ever since we were young, all in one week. If I had been in their shoes, I am not even sure I'd believe it. I mean, how in the world could that possibly happen to me, an everyday person? It doesn't really matter, though. I feel that if I question it, this all would disappear.

"I think I say this for the both of us: we are one hundred-times sorry, Usagi," Minako said, and touched the rim of her cup to mine. "I guess it seemed too far-fetched that you met Three Lights."

Makoto nodded.

"I didn't think they'd be out in the open with regular people," Minako continued. "I know they aren't as famous as they used to be, so I thought they'd be more low-key."

"It's ok, I'll forgive the two of you," I said with a grin.

"What I want to know, Usagi, is that if they invited us here, why are they over there with those girls?" Makoto asked, pointing over to a couch. Yaten and Taiki were talking to two girls that barely wore enough clothes to cover a small child. "And why aren't they here with us?"

Minako looked down at her own outfit, which consisted of tight black pants and a gold halter top. "I think we are a little over-dressed."

Makoto sighed. "Oh well. At least we can say we partied with celebrities." She reached out to Minako and me. "Let's dance!

The party was still going strong around 1AM; however my legs weren't. I know I am only twenty-five, and I should have a large reserve of energy hiding somewhere in my body; but heels do wear out your limbs faster than they should. I don't usually wear them, so I haven't mastered the art of dancing with blisters and knobby knees just yet. I gave in, and told my friends that I was going to sit down while they continued to dance.

I sat down on the nearest empty couch I could find. Almost instantly my body relaxed, feeling a wave of pain wash off of me. I reclined back, just taking it all in.

"Hey, I know you."

I looked up.

"You're the cashier girl."

I swallowed. "Seiya…"

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wondering when he'd come to the party. Although I am over the moon about being in the company of Yaten and Taiki, a small part of me wished for Seiya to be here too. As anyone could guess by looking at my room, he is my favorite in the band. I really can't pinpoint why exactly, but there is just something about him, standing on stage with a guitar and belting out his voice.

It just… sent shivers all over me.

Under the spotlight, his one hand would strum the strings with ease, while the other would stroke the top, his fingers pressing down. He seemed to be in his own world, sending out notes to the rest of us outside of it. Each chord made a different part of my body go numb, and I became a mindless robot, ready at his command.

At sixteen, I really didn't know much about sex. I mean, I of course knew what parts go where, and stuff like that, but I was still very inexperienced. Even now, I'll embarrassingly admit that I still sort of am; however I knew enough about it to understand that he oozed it.

Every time he smiled, strummed his guitar, swayed with the music, and sang a single word, sex poured out of him, onto the stage, and eventually reaching all of us commoners. He made my body feel completely different: heart pumping, butterflies irritating the hell out of my stomach, and a sense of euphoria that encapsulated me, causing my breaths to become long and slow.

To be fair, Mamoru, has made me feel the same way, but it is different when I'd see Seiya on stage. It was mush more…like a fantasy. It was innocent, though, because never in a million years did I think I'd have the opportunity to face him. Not ever. But someway, somehow, here he is, standing right above me, and he morphed into the guitar god I worshipped once again.

"I almost didn't recognize you without the balls on your head."

Out of habit, I glared at him. If I had 100 yen for how many times I get made fun of about my hair, I'd be wealthy. "Balls?" I said, and crossed my arms. "They are buns."

He laughed. "I'm not trying to make fun of you, just pointing out the obvious."

I rolled my eyes. Slowly my image of him as a guitar god slipped away.

He sat down next to me. "How did you get in here?"

I took in a deep breath. This is really happening. Seiya is sitting next to me.

"Yaten and Taiki invited me," I replied.

"Oh, so you follow ex-boyband members around?" he said with a smile. "I thought you were different."

I shook my head. "No, I do not! I can't help that you came into the convenience store I work at," I said. "And it was an accident that I met your bandmates."

"I'll believe you this time, Tsu—" he paused. "What is your name again?"

I blushed. "It's Tsukino Usagi, but you can just call me Usagi."

"All right then, let's start over. I'm Kou Seiya," he said with a grin. "Call me whatever."

We talked for a while. I didn't realize that time was passing by so quickly. No matter what we talked about, whether it be about life or things we enjoyed, it seemed to be more like a conversation I'd have with a close friend. You know, bringing up topics, and almost finishing each other's sentences.

In the midst of our conversation, I forgot who he was: he wasn't the guy in the poster in my room I had since I was younger, he didn't sing songs that I'd sing in the shower or dance to when they came on the radio, and he wasn't the guy I dreamed about marrying. He became a regular, down-to-earth person; a person who still gave me butterflies and made my heart skip a few beats.

"Usagi, could I have your number?"

The whole time we've been talking, I was contemplating to ask for his autograph, but Seiya, on the other hand, wanted to ask me for my number. My cell phone number….so he could call or text any time he wanted.

For the millionth time, is this for real? I am even beginning to doubt myself. Is this actually happening? I looked down at my cup of fruity alcoholic goodness…did someone put something in it to make me have delusions?

"Pinch me."

He pinched my arm without hesitation.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed, and then nudged his arm. "I didn't mean for you to actually do it."

He laughed. "Then don't say things aloud if you don't mean it," he said, and then reached for his phone. "If you don't want to give me your number, that is fine, but I will give you mine."

"You want to give me your number?"

He nodded. "Sure, why not?" he said, and then pulled his phone to his chest. "You aren't one of those psycho fans, are you? You won't stalk me, right? Or give my number away for cash?"

"Stalking doesn't work," I said. "We tried so hard, and we never got to see the three of you up close."

He laughed. "So you admit to stalking us in the past?" he asked.

I nodded slowly. "Just a little. Three Lights is my favorite band."

A smirk surfaced on his face. "Oh yeah? Who was your favorite?"

"You're seriously asking me that?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, why not?"

Do I confess it was him? Do I tell him how I wrote his name all over my books in high school? And that I'd even sign my name as Kou Usagi?"

"I don't have a favorite." I figure playing neutral is the best.

He grinned. "Safe answer."

"That's the idea," I said, smiling back.

He gave me his number, which I happily typed into my phone. If only my sixteen-year-old self could see me now. She'd totally have a heart attack.

"I hope you call me, Usagi," he said, tucking his phone away into his pocket.

"You want to talk to me?" I said.

He bumped my arm with his. The closer he got, the heavier his aroma grew around me. He smelled so good, as he was probably wearing a fancy European cologne that I couldn't pronounce the name of. Not only that, but his warmth felt nice brushing against my side.

"Of course I want to talk to you. We could even hang out, too," he said. "If you want."

There it goes again, my heart. What is going on? I know he is Seiya, and I've been crushing on him ever since I was a teen, but he is still a living, breathing guy. It has been a long time for a guy other than Mamoru to make me feel this way. Perhaps it is just because I am living out a fantasy…? My heart hasn't forgotten about Mamoru…right?

"That would be fun," I said.

He smiled, and stood up. "Well, I have to leave, but make sure you call me, Usagi."

I nodded, unable to put words into complete sentence.

He walked away, disappearing in the crowd, and I was left wondering when my heart would slow or when the butterflies would get tired.


	5. Be Still

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon**

**Be still**

"So, you spent the whole party abandoning us to talk to Seiya?" Minako asked. "Kou Seiya? Lead singer of Three Lights? Seiya-"

"I think she knows which one, Minako," Makoto interrupted.

"I'm just making sure I am getting it straight," she replied, and crossed her arms. "There could have been other guys with the name Seiya at the party."

Makoto shook her head a little, and then looked at me. "So, did you really?"

I nodded. "Yes."

Even if I tried my hardest, I don't think I could remove the smile from my face. Continuously, those two hours I spent with him replayed over and over in my head. It all felt like a dream, or at least something my mind fabricated. It was just too surreal to be reality.

"I can't believe you are maintaining your composure," Makoto said. "If it were me, I'd probably still be on that couch, having died of a heart attack."

It was the morning after the party. We were sitting in a booth at a small 24-hour restaurant. Still in our clothes, our hair disheveled, and our eyes had dark shadows lying underneath them, but we didn't care. We were still on the high of being at a party with Three Lights. Nothing else mattered at five in the morning.

Minako slightly leaned across the table. "So, Usagi, what is he like?"

"He is actually pretty normal," I replied.

The bright look on her face went away. "Normal? You call one of the hottest guys in Japan, normal?"

I shrugged. "What's wrong with normal?"

She sat back in her seat. "Nothing. It's just not what I was expecting you to say."

Seiya is a celebrity. This I know all too well. I mean, I've idolized him like some people worship religious statues. I understand the epic significance of having the chance to not only meet him, but have a conversation with him that didn't revolve around him being a famous singer. It was an everyday exchange between two people. Two ordinary people, with one who just so happens to have people screaming his name…or at least used to. At first meeting, I was star struck. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be shocked at coming into contact with him; however I was surprised how easily I got over it. He became a regular person…

…it was like finding out Superman is really Clark Kent.

"You don't understand. Sure, I was incapable of bodily function when I first met him, but it went away after talking to him. He was so easy to talk to…even though he made fun of my hair."

"And…?"

"Nothing. It was like we had known each other for a long time. We probably could have sat there longer just talking," I replied. "We sort of connected."

The two of them looked at each other, exchanging a glace I couldn't see.

"What is it?" I said.

"Usagi…you like him, don't you?"

I felt the beats of my heart begin to quicken. I laughed, in fear that they could hear it. "I've always liked him. You both know he is my favorite singer."

Makoto shook her head. "No, that's not what we meant," she said. "You actually like him, like him. Not as a celebrity crush, but as a regular guy you would meet at school or something."

I shook my head. "You are just reading too much into this. Seiya is just a fantasy. I know he'd never be interested in someone like me, so why would I invest feelings into something one-sided? If he wanted, we'd just be friends." Not only that, but I have Mamoru…

Minako leaned in once again. "Did you get his number?"

And there it is, the bomb that fell on the table. Although I attempted to hide any kind of emotion from being displayed when they referenced Seiya, I couldn't help but to react at the mention of the phone number. I am guilty, and they knew it instantly.

"He gave it to you!" Minako exclaimed. The volume of her voice caused everyone to look over at our booth. "Usagi! You have Seiya's number!"

"It's not like I'm going to call him…"

Makoto slapped both hands on the table, making the liquid in out cups to ripple. "No, Usagi! You have to call him! Or at least text him! See what he wants!"

"I can't," I said, shaking my head. "What would I have to say to him? I am not that interesting, so he'd probably get bored of me. Plus, what about Mamoru?"

"What about him?" Makoto said.

"I don't think he'd appreciate me hanging out with other guys. He probably wouldn't like me calling them either," I replied. "I just can't betray him like that."

"You, yourself said that you don't like Seiya in a way other than friends, right?" Makoto said. "What's wrong with being friends with him? It's not like you are jumping his body or anything."

I blushed. "I guess…"

"Yeah, if you hang out with him, we could come, too! Then we could meet Taiki and Yaten," Minako chimed in. "This could be beneficial to all of us."

Makoto nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Usagi, take one for the team."

I looked at both of them. "What you're saying is that you want me to use Seiya, so you two could get to the rest of the band?"

"Pretty much."

I let out a sigh and sipped on my now lukewarm orange juice.

As I lay in bed after saying good-bye to Minako and Makoto, I am unable to fall asleep. Or more like I didn't want to sleep. The idea of sleeping and waking up is scary to me. What if I wake up and last night was all a dream? What if I actually didn't spend the night with Seiya? And if it really did happen, what if he was just playing around with me when he gave me his number?

I feel like my heart is drowning in confusion, and my mind is not exactly helping to try to figure it all out. I am pretty much left emotionally-blind at this point. It's silly for me to feel this way. I mean, even though I may know his favorite color, where he went to high school, and what his parents do for a living, I don't know Seiya. He is basically a perfect stranger I've met twice. Yet, he is persuading my heart to clear space for him…a space that should be taken by Mamoru.

How could I let someone I don't know do this to me, especially when I may not ever see him again?

Perhaps I am just letting the fangirl in me take over?

Yeah, that must be it.

There is no way I am pushing Mamoru out of my heart for someone I just met….for someone that has been frozen in pictures hanging on my bedroom walls.

…right?

* * *

Like I said, I have three part time jobs at the moment. My second is actually helping Rei at the shrine. I maintain the booth selling charms and wooden boards that people write their wishes on. I'm not sure if it really works, but it would be nice to think that it does.

"How is everything, Usagi?" Rei asked.

"All right, I guess," I said.

Her black hair swooped around her shoulders as she swept the rocks beneath her feet. "My grandpa keeps trying to hook me up with his friend's grandson. I can't stand it."

I smiled. Rei and I aren't as close as we used to be…or at least tried to be. Even in high school, our friendship was rough around the edges. Some girls are meant to be kept at a distance; you're nice to each other, but you don't go out of your way to have an hour-long conversation over coffee.

It's not that we don't like each other, because I at least know I do. She isn't a horrible person. Although she seems tough and overly assertive, she actually would be the person to stick around if everyone else deserted you. Loyal, but easily agitated. That is how I would describe her.

I never bonded with her like I had with Minako and Makoto. Like most torn relationships between girls, ours involves a guy. I didn't know Rei liked Mamoru until I started to date him. If I had known, I probably would've stepped aside, because at that time, I would've chosen friendship over a boyfriend.

If only…

When I was with all of my friends, naturally I'd gush about my dates with Mamoru. I'd tell them every little detail, because I was happy. They'd all smile, and listen, or at least pretend to. Rei, on the other hand, would make snide comments, which I'd ignore. I don't know why it didn't bother me at the time. I guess I was trapped in a bubble, and I wouldn't allow anyone to burst it, not even one of my best friends. I was oblivious to everything. It took Ami to tell me what was going on for me to realize the reason Rei was acting that way.

She liked him, and I just stepped on her toes without looking back to make sure she was ok. I wanted to apologize to her when I found out, but I was never able to. To this day, I still haven't said anything about it.

Rei eventually got over it, and went back to talking to me. Even though we are cordial now, a small amount of uneasiness remains.

"I'd like to find my own boyfriend. I don't need my grandpa acting as my wingman," she said with a sigh. "I don't know, Usagi. Be glad you don't have to go through this. It's torture."

"Being with someone isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes," I said. "I barely see Mamoru. It is hard."

She stopped sweeping. "Even if he isn't here, you still have someone," she said.

"It's easy to forget when he isn't a five minute train ride away," I replied.

"Mamoru has always been goal-driven. I thought you'd be used to that already?"

"I just feel second to everything else in his life," I admitted for the first time.

"Why are you telling this to me?" she asked. "If it is bothering you, shouldn't you be saying that to him?"

I shrugged. It would be hard for me to tell him how I am feeling now. Truth be told, it hasn't always been like this. There was a time when I essentially wore my heart on my sleeve. I was open, ready to let someone in to the contours of my life. After dating Mamoru for a month, I blurted out that I loved him. We weren't even in a romantic place. If I remember correctly, we were on the subway, and I told him how I felt as we were going to visit my parents. He didn't say it back, but I didn't care, because I knew eventually he would. I just needed to tell him.

He didn't say it to me until our first year anniversary. As you could imagine, I really felt over the moon when the words escaped his lips.

Saying it now, it's difficult for me to feel that same spark…that same heart pang.

Something inside of me changed. I am unable to express anything relating to love, missing him, or even what I want in our future. I fear that he would have a hard time if I poured it all on him while he is busy with work…almost like my feelings would be a nuisance.

"Usagi," she started, "it's not going to change, no matter how many times you close your eyes and wish for it. He is not going to drop everything and come running to you just because you are lonely. We aren't in college anymore. You need to find your own time-taker."

"Time-taker?"

"Yeah, something that uses up all of your time. I don't mean working all of these jobs, either," she said. "Find something that consumes you, and makes you forget everything else. You have to find your own happiness, not piggy-back onto someone else's."

I stayed silent.

"Usagi, aren't you passionate about something?"

To be honest, I never really had a goal that I wanted to achieve for myself. As pathetic as it sounds, it has always been me following after everyone else. Mamoru was first, and then my friends went to college, so I thought I should go too. Everyone moved closer to central Tokyo, so I moved too…even if that meant not being able to afford rent with just one job.

I never did anything just because I wanted to do it. I always had someone else as a catalyst for my actions.

"You should worry about yourself before you worry about your relationship with Mamoru," she said, and walked away.

I wanted her to see my glare aiming at the back of her head, but I knew she was right.

The first step to every problem is admitting that you have one, but where do I go from there?

* * *

I promised myself that I wouldn't touch my phone for the rest of the week. I won't think about Mamoru or why he didn't call. This week, I will just think about me.

Hopefully it will last all seven days.

With a piece of paper and a pencil with the eraser chewed off by my anxiety, I began to write with the intention to come up with ten goals that I want to accomplish. I got as far as writing the numbers, and then stopped when trying to write something for line one…because I truly do not know what I want.

What makes me happy? What makes me want to get up each morning? What, what, what?!

"This is ridiculous," I said aloud, and tossed my pencil against the wall. There is no reason for this to be so hard. I should know what I want. I've been me for 25 years; don't I know myself at all? This is so embarrassing.

I reached for my pencil, which had fallen into a box on the floor. When I grabbed it, a lanyard was attached to it. On the lanyard was a badge from my membership of the Three Lights fan club. My member number was pretty high; due to the fact my mom wouldn't spend money on the membership until I passed all of my tests. Although, I barely got over a 70, she finally enrolled me.

Even though it was just a small memento, it was enough to distract me and pick up my phone.

All right, I know that I said I wouldn't use it. I am weak; I'll admit it, however I only said I wouldn't call Mamoru. Texting your celebrity crush is totally different. Technically this could be one of my goals: Culminating my high school dream of talking to Kou Seiya.

I know it is something I've already twice-achieved, but a third time wouldn't hurt.

My thumbs began to type. _"Seiya, this is Usagi, from the party on Saturday night. You may not remember, but I just want to thank you for talking with me."_

After sending the message, I told myself not to get any hopes up of getting a reply back. After all, why would he want to continue to talking with someone like me? He probably has a model girlfriend or something. Plus, I am not even sure if Saturday night went like it did in my head. It is very possible that my mind is exaggerating every look and smile he gave me.

After a few minutes, my phone began to ring.


	6. One Down

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the long wait for this chapter. At the end of August I broke my foot, and I didn't really feel like doing much of anything. I'll continue to write this story as long as everyone is still interested.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.**

**One Down**

"My job is sending me to Tokyo next week."

Between the space between my lungs, my heart finally settled; no longer did it frantically pulsate against my woozy stomach. The nauseous/anxious feeling disappeared as quickly as it came. I was finally able to breathe normally.

As I should have expected, the ringing of my phone, moments after sending the text to Seiya, triggered a response in my body that made it instantly prepared. My stomach was equipped with violent butterflies, accelerating the flow of blood to my heart causing it to beat faster, and the opening of my throat closed off, making it hard for words to spill out. Basically, it seemed to ready myself for embarrassment, just for the chance that it might have been Seiya calling.

Even my body is trying to sabotage and confuse me.

"Mamo-chan, you're really coming home?"

"Yeah, only for two days or so," he replied. "I'll be able to see you, Usagi. We should go out for dinner. You could pick whatever you want."

Oh man, I felt guilty. In fact, I could feel the stones of guilt rolling down my throat into my stomach. They weighed me down. It was annoying and uncomfortable, making me only think about how badly I felt.

I know that I haven't done anything wrong to warrant the existence of these feelings…but I immediately realized something is different. In the past when Mamoru would tell me that he was coming home, especially after not seeing him for a few months, I'd jump for joy, almost dropping and ultimately breaking my phone. I'd instantly begin to clean my apartment, which is a rare occurrence in itself , and I'd make a list of all of the things we'd do: see a movie, go for a walk at the local park, check out a new store, or I'd buy already-made food to pass off as my own attempt at cooking. My happiness seemed to be endless. Not a single thing mattered to me as much as getting to see Mamoru.

But now…it has changed. The news of him coming home hit me like a firework that turned out to be a dud. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am disappointed. I guess I've just been waiting for him for so long that all of the anticipation has sort of worn me out.

"I'm so happy to see you, Mamo-chan," I said. Although it may seem like it, I wasn't lying by saying that to him; however I definitely had to force myself to say it in an upbeat tone.

"Well, I got to get back to work," he said. I could hear people talking in the background. "I just wanted to tell you the news."

"Have a great day at work," I said.

"Talk to you soon," he said, and he hung up."

It wasn't an accident…the last time we spoke on the phone. We really aren't telling each other "I love you" before we say good-bye.

Couples go through rough patches all of the time. There are moments when you want to strangle the person and not speak to them for a while. Then on the other hand, you could be so in love that the thought of them leaving would be the end of everything you've ever known. Relationships aren't meant to be fragile. They should be durable enough to wait out the toughest of times so that it can savor the best times.

My relationship with Mamoru, is at a stage I'm clueless about. I know it isn't all rainbows and bunnies, but then, it's not exactly a giant rain cloud either.

I really don't know what to do with it. Does this sort of feeling go away eventually?

I went to bed that night, leaving dishes in the sink, clothes on my bedroom floor, and papers all over my desk, including my list of goals. It could all wait for tomorrow…or the day after.

* * *

On the break during my shift at the convenience store, my phone started to ring.

"Hello?" I answered.

"I didn't think you were going to text or call."

I quickly released the breath out of my mouth that I held in my lungs. "Seiya?"

He laughed. "You sound surprised even though you texted me yesterday."

I swallowed. Here is comes. My body began to prepare itself all over again, like it had the last time the phone rang, only this time it was for real this time. "I'm shocked you gave me your actual number. I was beginning to think the number was fake."

"I've done that a few times when it was necessary," he said. "I suppose I am taking my chances with you. I hope you don't turn out to be a crazy person under your charm."

A large smile took over my face. If I were to speak now, I am sure it would come out in unrecognizable words in some made up language…or just word vomit.

"So, I know we just met and all, but I really don't have anyone else to ask," he said. His voice sort of trailed off to a light tone. "There is an album release event at the recording studio this weekend, and…"

"You want me to go with you?" I blurted out.

He laughed. "No."

If I were an anime character, a huge sweat drop would be flowing down my head right at this second.

"What I mean is that we should hang out, and that will be my excuse not to go," he said.

"Oh, so you want to use me?" I said. The smile appeared on my face again.

"I guess you could technically say that, but really, I'd just like to see you again," he replied. "The album release party just happened to be during the time I set aside for us to hang out."

I could feel my cheeks burn. Everything inside of me began to race. I know I have Mamoru, who is coming home next weekend, but in a situation like this, is it all right that I'm forgetting about him? Despite our fluctuating distance and the lack of speaking to each other, he is still my boyfriend. I know I'd be hurt if he started hanging out with other girls behind my back. Even if it were innocent, I'd still be upset.

However…this is Kou Seiya, a sort-of celebrity. Isn't that different than him being an ordinary person? I mean, I could be friends with him, and plus, it's not like he'd want to do anything intimate with me. He could get any girl in Japan, famous or not…so why would he possibly want to date me?

Maybe Mamoru would understand? After all, he knows how big of a fan I am of the Three Lights. He even bought me their ten-year anniversary box set last Christmas. He'd be happy that I'd get to meet them…wouldn't he?

"If not, that's ok," he said, breaking the silence.

"It's not that I don't want to…I guess I am just nervous about hanging out with you," I said. "I mean, what if I am not as fun as your celebrity friends?"

He laughed loudly. "In case you didn't know, we haven't been popular for a long time, so we don't hang out in celebrity circles," he said. "I'm just a regular guy that just so happened to be on TV a couple of years ago. No big deal."

No big deal? I thought about the collection of now-obsolete VHS tapes in a box under my bed. Each one has various TV show appearances and performances of the Three Lights. I wasn't obsessed, I was dedicated…or at least that is how I define my teenage-fangirl craziness.

"If I don't have fun with you, I'll leave you in the middle of dinner," he said. "How about that?"

I took the phone away from my ear and looked down at the screen. The background was a picture of Mamoru and me. It was from a 90's themed party we went to last year. He was wearing baggy jeans and t-shirt of some band and I was, of course, wearing a Three Lights shirt.

Mamoru would understand. This is a dream come true for me…even though it had already came true the first time I met them. There is nothing wrong with reliving it a couple of times. Also, meeting with Seiya is on my list of goals. It's now or never.

"All right, you have a deal," I said.

Just like that, I already have one goal down, and a bunch more to go.


	7. On Point

**Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon**

**On Point**

Over the next couple of days, everything inside of me seemed to come to an abrupt halt. My brain, the body's central system of communication, started to speak a foreign language to everything inside of me. Feelings, actions, and thoughts were no longer in my control. My heart, especially, became a lump in my chest that only pulsated because it had to. It no longer responded to jolts or other outside disturbances. All of the connections that once worked so flawlessly within me became detached. I ended up becoming a walking zombie, only without the whole eating flesh thing.

If I had to describe how I feel, I'd say it's split down the middle. You know, as if a magician sawed my body from the head down. Both sides look the same on the outside, but I promise that what's going on underneath are two different stories. On one side, it feels like electric sparks are shooting from my fingertips. It's a sense of euphoria. After all, I am going to hang out with Seiya this weekend.

He invited me, Tsukino Usagi…to see him. How many people in the world can say they had the opportunity to spend time with their celebrity crush? I'm sure the number of people could only fill a small café. It's not exactly something that happens every day.

For a slight moment, it was like I was on a different level than before. It was where it seemed like everything that used to be jumbled, fell into place: well-organized and balanced.

And yet…there is the other side, where the lump in my chest was getting in the way. Every single beat it took, became a slow push down the road of my guilt trip.

This is where the two sides no longer spoke due to the language barrier. My head, as naïve as it is, wants me to be excited over Seiya, while my heart keeps reminding me of Mamoru. It's an endless game of "Good Cop, Bad Cop." Although, I'm still debating which is which.

I knew that I couldn't trust myself with making any decisions. My body is in the middle of a civil war, and I just don't see it ending any time soon. Even worse, I don't know what side I'm fighting for.

As I should've known, it didn't help to ask Minako and Makoto what they thought. They overlooked the whole Mamoru-is-my-boyfriend thing and went crazy over me being with Seiya this coming weekend. The two of them practically got on their knees to beg to come along. As much as I love them, they probably weren't the best to go to with serious stuff. Like me, they are still fangirls at heart; only I am the one caught between someone I have and someone I wanted ever since I put his poster on my wall.

Therefore, due to them being pretty much on Team Seiya, I decided that I need to find someone who is neutral. That is how I ended up at the cafeteria of the Tokyo Metro Hospital.

"I haven't seen you in a while, Usagi. How have you been?"

I shrugged. "Every day is a step I guess. I don't know in what direction, but I'm getting there."

"Still haven't found a job yet?"

"No, but you know me, I haven't been looking," I said, and took a sip of water. "Ami, I want to talk to you about something. I told Minako and Makoto, but they didn't really give me anything constructive."

She smiled, and looked at her watch. "I have time. I don't need to be back on the floor for a few minutes," she replied, and reached out to my arm. "What's up, Usagi?"

To be completely honest, I am not sure it is the best idea to tell Ami about my situation. Don't get me wrong, she has been my friend for a long time, even longer than Makoto and Minako. She is practically the first person to befriend me when I we entered middle school. Despite all of that, we aren't as compatible as I am with the other two.

Ami is Smart…I mean, super Einstein Smart. I feel that it is important stress that with a capital 'S,' because she doesn't have an ordinary brain. She spent most of her time with her nose in a book, even ones that weren't assigned by school. In no way am I downplaying or bashing her for being that way, because being Smart has opened so many windows for her. She has become more successful in five years than I'd probably be in ten.

However, somewhere along the way of her constant studying, her social skills began to lag behind. She was never really good with being around groups of people and she was desensitized when it came to interacting with others, even around us. Whenever we did something she didn't think was right, she'd let us know, without hesitating, and sometimes, she'd be upset with us for days.

Eventually, I came to realize that Ami and I are just at different points on the same line. She will always be ahead of me, and I am 100% comfortable with that. Although we don't see eye to eye on everything, she is the first person to encourage me to be better and cheers even for the smallest of improvements.

The main point, though, is that she has always been Team Mamoru. I mentioned this before, but when we were in high school, he picked on me relentlessly. It was Ami who mentioned that he did it because he liked me. The small girl with big glasses and wide eyes was a prophetic cupid, and I had no clue.

She always said that he was a good influence on me…probably because he was like her: Smart, driven, and on a different point than me. However, he was better at the social stuff than her.

So… I really don't know how she would react to me hanging out with a guy who isn't Mamoru. Celebrity or not, Seiya is still a male body oozing testosterone. I don't want her to lecture me, nor do I want her divulging everything to him. She is my friend, but how much can the arm on her moral compass be moved before it's in the other direction?

"Is everything all right, Usagi?"

I nodded. "Yeah…I just don't know where to start."

She smiled. "What's the big deal? It is just me."

She was right. What is so scary about telling her?

"Well…as you know, I am a huge fan of the Three Lights."

"You mean that band the three of you used to worship?" she said. "Yeah, I remember your craziness."

I laughed. "A few days ago, we actually met them at a party."

"Really? That's exciting," she said. "How was it?"

"It was amazing!" I exclaimed. I am sure that my voice carried throughout the cafeteria. "We sat and talked to them!"

"Does what you want to talk to me about have to do with them or something?"

"Sort of," I said, and let out a sigh. "You see, Mamoru has been gone for a while, and I think…" Am I really going to tell her? My relationship's biggest cheerleader? Would she understand at all?

"…I think…." Words couldn't be forced from my mouth.

"Usagi. I am not well versed on relationships. I mean, I am practically married to the hospital, so I can't really give you advice based on personal experience," she said. "But, if you aren't happy, then you should just tell him."

I just stared at her.

"I like Mamoru, but in the end, you are my friend. I'll support you with whatever," she said. "Just don't do anything until you resolve it with him first."

She stood up, and collected her clipboard. "I'm sorry, Usagi, but I better get back to work," she said. "Remember, I am always on your side. Tell Minako and Makoto I said hi."

I was worried over nothing. Ami is mature and responsible. I don't know why I hesitated to tell her. Before I even had the chance to tell her, she already knew something was bothering me about my relationship with Mamoru.

Maybe our points are getting a little closer.

* * *

I stood on the platform at the train station. Only four stops stood between Seiya and me.

After talking with my friends, I've come to realize that although Mamoru's feelings are important, mine are too. I just need to straighten them out. I'm not sure what I'm feeling for Seiya is genuine or if I'm just caught up in the whole he is SEIYA KOU, CELEBRITY CRUSH, aspect of it all. That is why I am vowing to sort it all out.

The main problem is that I am unsure how I'm going to look at him without sensing an automatic attraction to him. I need to peel away the celebrity veil and just see him. See the Seiya he claims to be: a regular guy. I just hope I will figure out how to do that.

The train came right on time. I stepped inside, and sat down. Buildings whizzed by, the lights from them looking like a constant glowing stream. While sitting there, I made a promise to hide Mamoru deep inside the crevices of my heart. I would never betray him…or at least I don't think I would, but before I could guarantee that, I have to not betray myself.

Upon leaving my apartment for the train station, I got a call from Makoto.

"_Usagi, before you go to meet Seiya, I want to tell you something," she said. "There is nothing wrong with you meeting Seiya and becoming friends."_

_I didn't say anything._

"_But if you need to use this as a test for what you feel for Mamoru, then you probably already know the answer."_

"_Makoto…"_

"_You know us, whatever you decide, we will stand with you, but I just want you to be happy," she said. _

She was probably right, but I still want to find the answer. I can't accept it just yet. There is no way my heart doesn't beat for him anymore. How could that happen?

How could a guy I barely know, slowly crawl into the spaces of my heart and claim them? It can't happen that easily.

The train stopped in Shibuya, and I hopped off. I took in a deep breath. It's now or never.

I made my way to the place he wanted to meet. It was a tiny coffee shop off one of the main streets. It was tucked away between two tall buildings. I took one last look in my small pocket mirror, and entered. The aroma of coffee swirled around me, warm like a blanket.

I looked around the shop, and finally my eyes met his. He smiled.

And my heart stopped.

I knew this would happen.

This is a test I am going to fail; however I'm sure the consequences of losing are worth it.


	8. Player Two

**Note: I tried to arrange this chapter so you can distinguish the present when Usagi is with her friends; and when she is talking about her date with Seiya. If it is still hard to read, let me know. My word document looked a lot better. It is just hard to show it on this site.**

**Player Two**

"So, Usagi…tell us every single detail about your quasi-date with Seiya!" Minako said. The tone of her voice didn't leave room for any options, it practically commanded an answer.

Makoto hovered over me as she stood side by side Minako. "Don't leave anything out! We want to know everything."

I smiled. I am sure I looked uneasy, because of the intimidation radiating off of them.

"Well…it went like this," I started.

_When I got to the café, I couldn't help but stare at Seiya. The calm and silence between us radiated like an electric current. It was difficult for me to resist the pull his eyes had on me. I know I shouldn't let it affect me the way it does, but I gave in completely. _

_He waved for me to sit in the chair in front of him. I moved forward, walking like a robot. You know, one step slowly at a time, my head staying stiff and straight. With every step I was unable to avoid thinking that I am slowly walking the plank off the deep end._

_When I sat down, a swirl of emotions wrapped around me like my own personal bubble. I need to be cautious…careful…so that I don't burst. _

_I am not sure why I am being so emotionally unstable. I mean, this is just a meeting between friends. It is not a date. We are not going to be holding hands, exchanging personal stories, nor are we going to end up saying good-bye with a kiss. So, why am I so nervous? I am thinking too much into this whole thing. If I don't settle, he is going to think I am a ball of crazy that is bouncing a little too close to him. I don't want him to throw me away in the opposite direction, so I have to relax._

…_which is easier said than done._

_It doesn't help that I've been dreaming of a moment like this ever since I was a teenager. I mean, everyone dreams of "dating" their celebrity crush. It's safe to say that I've had many daydreams of being with Seiya. I'll even admit that not all of them were PG…which makes this even more awkward._

"_Usagi," he said, "why are you looking at me like that? You look…constipated."_

_My mouth dropped. The burning of my cheeks boiled. _

_He laughed and took a sip of his coffee. "I'm just kidding…but you do look like something is wrong. Everything ok?"_

_I nodded. "Yeah, I guess I am just nervous."_

"_Am I scary or something?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. _

_I shook my head quickly. "No, not at all," I replied. I took in a few breaths to try to stop my body from going into overdrive. _

_He stood up and reached for my hand. "Good. Let's go have fun," he said._

_I looked at his hand. If I put mine in his, that would make this a date, right?_

"Usagi! When Kou Seiya gives you his hand, you take it!" Minako said. "Skip all of the hesitation and feelings parts, and just tell us if you took his hand or not!"

_My hand lifted from the table. I was about a few inches from his hand, when he quickly took it away. I looked up at him, and his eyes were focused on the door of the café._

"_I'm going to leave first, Usagi. Meet me by the ramen place at the end of the street," he said, and left the café._

_I waited for a few seconds trying to figure out what had just happened. I stood up and headed to the door, that's when I realized what was going on. People with large cameras were looking up and down the street. Were they paparazzi?_

_When I stepped outside, they paused and focused on me. Oh no. What do I do? Did they take pictures of Seiya and me? Or did they not see me sitting with him? After all, my back was facing the door when we were at the table._

_They stared and then quickly walked toward the main street. Relief rushed over me. Maybe they didn't see me after all._

_I began to walk in the opposite direction. As I made my way down the street, I realized I had passed multiple ramen places. How am I supposed to know which one he went inside?_

_I stopped on the side of the street, and all of the sudden, I was pulled underneath a small canopy that was covering a ramen restaurant where you stand at the counter._

"_What the—" I said loudly._

"_Shhh."_

_I looked up, and it was Seiya, who was now wearing dark sunglasses and a baseball cap._

"_Did you see them? Where did they go?"_

"_They went the other way down the street," I replied. I noticed his hand still gripping onto my wrist. It was strong, but not enough to hurt. _

_He let out a sigh. "I didn't think they'd actually find me," he said. "Usually they don't bother taking pictures of me, but I guess under the circumstances, they thought they had a story."_

"_Circumstances?"_

"_Well, someone in the café probably tipped them off," he said. "A celebrity meeting with the opposite sex always draws a headline. Usually I don't care, because it's always with someone I don't know or care about in the first place."_

_I'm not sure if it was from the steam of the ramen or his body heat, but I felt warmth all over me. What did he mean?_

"_All right, I think it is ok to leave now," he said, finally letting go of my wrist. _

_We stepped out of the canopy. The camera people weren't anywhere to be found. _

"_Usagi, do you like arcades?" he asked._

_I nodded. "I do! I haven't been to one in a long time!"_

"You went to an arcade?" Makoto asked.

"Yeah, Usagi. How old are you?" Minako said, crossing her arms. "You should've gone to a movie, where you could've rubbed against his side!"

"Guys, this wasn't a date," I reminded them. "We went out as friends."

Makoto shook her head. "Usagi, I think you were the only one who thought it wasn't a date."

Minako nodded. "It seems as though Seiya had other ideas."

I rolled my eyes. "I highly doubt it."

"You're so naïve, Usagi," Minako said with a smile. "When a guy goes out of his way to hide you from others and grab your arm, it means something."

"I have a boyfriend."

"But does Seiya know that?" Makoto asked.

I shook my head.

_At the arcade, I felt like someone else. I stopped worrying about everything in my life that was negative. I allowed myself to just have fun. All the little things disappeared, and I became Tsukino Usagi, a regular twenty-five year old. Nothing in the world could knock me from my high. I was having fun with Seiya…more than I've had in a long time. _

"_Usagi, let's hang out again," he said, reaching for the plastic gun used in a zombie killing game. _

_I reached for the other gun. "Whenever you want!"_

_He put money into the machine. "What about next week?"_

_I was about to tell him 'yes,' but I stopped myself. Next week is when Mamoru is coming back to Tokyo. Even with all of the fun, I instantly felt guilt. Would Mamoru be upset with the way I'm smiling and laughing with Seiya?_

"_I'm sorry, Seiya, next week I can't," I said. "I have plans." I'm not sure why I didn't say that I had plans with my boyfriend. Why did I leave that out?_

"_It's ok, maybe the week after," he said, and then smiled. "Are you ready?"_

_I nodded._

_He hit the START button. That was when I became his Player Two, and dreaded the moment it would be GAME OVER._

Minako sat down. "Usagi…so you only played videogames?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. I guess I expected more," she said, and then looked at Makoto. "We should've gone instead of her."

Makoto nodded. "We would've known what to do with him," she said.

I laughed. "I can't believe you expected me to seduce him," I said, and then looked them over. "Wait. Actually, I do believe it."

"So, what happened after?" Minako asked. "I'm still holding out for some action."

_When we left the arcade, it was dark. I didn't realize how long we were actually inside. Time seemed to fly by, as it usually does whenever I am with Seiya. _

"_I'll take you home, Usagi."_

"_My house is only a few stops away on the Yamanote Line train," I said._

_He smiled. "It's all right; I'm going to take a taxi anyway. Your place is along the way," he said, and then waved down a taxi._

_It pulled up in front of us. The door opened, and Seiya hopped inside first, and I slid into the car after him._

"You shared a taxi?" Makoto asked.

"We did," I replied. "If it makes you feel better, I was close enough to smell his cologne."

She grinned.

Minako was about to open her mouth, when she suddenly stopped. Her eyes were focused on something at the other end of the restaurant.

I followed her gaze, and quickly understood what she was looking at. Or I should say who she was looking at.

"Usagi, why is he here?"

I let out a sigh. "Yeah, about him. I guess I should finish my story."

"_I had a good time with you, Usagi," he said. His body was so close to mine, triggering the electric current again. For a moment it was hard to breathe. His presence was so debilitating...but in a good way…if that makes sense. _

"_I did too," I said with a smile._

_The taxi pulled up on the opposite of my apartment building. I collected my jacket and purse. _

"_Thank you for coming with me today. I needed an escape," he said._

"_Anytime. It's fun being with you," I said._

"_I'll call you, Usagi," he said. "You better answer!"_

_I laughed. "I will."_

_I reached for the door handle, and looked back at him. "Have a good night, Seiya."_

_His body began to lean over to mine, but he stopped. He settled back into his seat. "Good night, Usagi."_

_The taxi drove away, and I watched it as it disappeared down the street. I took in a deep breath and got ready to cross the street. _

_My heart stopped._

"Seiya was going to kiss you! That's why he moved!" Makoto said. "He must have gotten nervous, and stopped."

"Thankfully he did, because of what happened next," I said.

Minako cleared her throat, and lifted her hand to her mouth to signal us to be quiet.

I lowered my head.

_He stood in front of my apartment building, armed with flowers._

"Hi Mamoru," Minako said, standing up from the table. "We haven't seen you in a while."

Makoto looked at me, and all I could do was sulk even lower.


End file.
